From: L. Michael Hall                                
2016 Meta-Coaching Support: Morpheus #09
March 02 24 2016 （2016 年 3 月 02 號）

When coaches begin, many of them frequently use the word “help” when talking with their clients.  Sometimes it seems that some of them use it dominantly to describe everything they do in the coaching relationship.

許多教練在開始教練的時候經常使用「幫助」這個用詞與客戶對話。有些時候他們會用它當作形容在教練關係裏的一切事情的用詞。

“How can I help you today?”  (Wimpy opening)  “What help do you need?”  (Invitation for therapy)  “Now for me to really help you, you need to …”  “Let me help you with that.”

「今天我要如何幫助你？」(弱懦開場)「你需要甚麽樣的幫忙？」（邀請進入治療）「爲了我要真正能够幫助到你，你需要。。」「讓我來幫你這個」

But, there’s a problem with this.  The problem with “help” is that it presupposes you are weak and I am strong.  You are unresourceful and I have the resources that can help you.  You are uninformed and perhaps even unintelligent, and I, the intelligent one can help you understand.  In other words, the word help is not helpful at all in terms of creating a sense of mutual trust and collaboration in the coaching experience.  Because we “help” those who cannot help themselves, think about the coaching conversation and relationship in terms of helping them creates an unequal relationship.  And that undermines collaboration.

但是，這是有問題的。「幫助」的問題是它預測你是弱，我是强。你是沒有資源而我是有資源幫助到你。你是沒有得到信息也有可能沒有智慧而我，有智慧的人，可以幫助你瞭解。也就是說，從教練體驗中建立互信和合作中，「幫助」是在幫倒忙。因爲我們「幫助」那些不能够幫助自己的人，以及認爲教練對話和關係是幫助他們會産生不平等的關係。這樣會破壞合作。

So what’s the solution?  Stop helping!  Stop using the word “help.”  The word help does not help.  It hinders and hurts.  Instead think about facilitating.  After all, that is the focus of MetaCoaching.  As a coach, you facilitate.  And that, obviously, is why we developed the Facilitation Model in Meta-Coaching.  That is why we train Coaching Mastering in terms of facilitating.  Each day of Coaching Mastery highlighted another aspect of the facilitating we do in coaching.

解答是甚麽？停止幫助！停止用「幫助」這個用詞。那個「幫助」幫助不了。它阻礙和傷害他人。你要想的是優化。畢竟，大成教練的焦點就是優化。身爲教練，你優化。很顯然，你可以知道我們爲甚麽要發展優化模式。也是爲甚麽我們用優化來培訓教練精煉。每一天的大成教練課程，我們都會强調進行教練時的不同優化面向。

∙           Facilitating relationship (Day 1) because coaching is a relationship.  優化關係（第一天）因爲教練是一種關係。

∙           Facilitating exploration (Day 2) because the essence of coaching is asking questions.

優化探索（第二天）因爲教練的精髓是提問

∙           Facilitating performance (Day 3) because effective coaching gets results.

優化表現（第三天）因爲有效的教練得到成果

∙           Facilitating systems (Day 4) because coaching is holistic and ecological.

優化系統（第四天）因爲教練是整體和系統平衡

∙           Facilitating change (Day 5) because coaching is making something new and different.

優化改變（第五天）因爲教練産生新的東西和不一樣的東西

∙           Facilitating self-actualization (Day 6) because coaching unleashes potentials.

優化自我實現（第六天）因爲教練釋放潜能

∙           Facilitating business (Day 7) because coaching is a business.

優化商業（第七天）因爲教練是一種商業

∙           Facilitating professionalism (Day 8) because coaching requires professionals.

優化專業性（第八天）因爲教練需要專業

“Helping” doesn’t help.  In fact, as a coach, you can be too helpful.  If you are so helpful that you are preventing your client from discovering on their own the insights and developing the skills that they need, then you are actually preventing them from growing and taking charge of their own lives.  You are cheating them from the struggle.  And why would you do that?  Why would any coach do that?  Because they care.  In this case, they care too much.

「幫助」幫不了忙。其實，身爲教練，你可以太過于幫助。你那麽會幫助導致你阻止客戶發現自己的洞察力以及發展所需的能力，那麽其實你是在阻止他們成長和掌控自己的生活。從掙扎裏你欺騙了他們。爲甚麽你要那樣做呢？爲甚麽教練們要那樣做呢？因爲他們關懷。這種情况，他們過度關懷。

“Helpful” coaches in this way are “helping” clients to quickly get out of emotional upset or anxiety or anger or fear or whatever.  And it is usually because the coach is uncomfortable being in the presence of someone so emoting.  This “mothering” (or fathering) is a form of co-dependency wherein a person is extending their boundary of Responsibility For too far and assuming responsibilities that belong to the client.

「很幫忙」的教練在這方面是「幫助」客戶很快走出情緒的不舒適或是焦慮或憤怒或恐懼等。通常是因爲教練本身當處在客戶有情緒時自己會感到不安。這種「像父母保護」的方式是一種互相仰賴，也就是教練過度延長「爲你負責」的界限幷自己扛起屬￿客戶的責任。

How do you stop “help” in these unhelpful ways?

在這些幫倒忙的方式裏，你要如何停止「幫助」呢？

1. Take time to set your own boundaries for responsible for yourself and to your client. Go through the pattern in the ACMC manual on this subject (in the Power Matrix section) until you feel the distinction in your body.

花時間設定爲自己負責和對客戶負責的界限。進行大成教練手册裏的相關套路（力量矩陣章節）直到你在身體裏感受到區別。

2. Next, take time to mind-to-muscle the principle that your coaching clients “have all the resources they need within them.” Until you are convinced of this, you will be seduced to reach out beyond your boundaries and try to “help” them.

下一步，花時間將「客戶擁有所需的資源」的原則進行大腦到肌肉的套路。一直到你被說服爲止，不然你會被誘惑超出你的界限幷嘗試要「幫助」他們。

3. Begin listening for and catching your use of the word “help” as you relate to your client. When you catch it, replace it with “facilitate.”

開始聽到自己用「幫助」這個用詞。當你抓到時，用「優化」取代

4. Set a frame in your own mind that as a coach, you are not there to help. “I am not there to help, I am there to facilitate processes, then my client will be able to help himself or herself.”

在自己的大腦裏，設定框架爲你是教練，你不是來幫助的。「我不是來幫助的，我是來優化進程，使我的客戶可以幫助自己。」

5. Remind yourself that “helping” can be irritating and annoying and that most clients won’t tell you that explicitly, they will just not return for more coaching.

提醒自己「幫助」可以激怒和惹惱人家，客戶不會明講，他們只是下次不來被教練。

6. Remind yourself that “helping” violates the essence of coaching as

提醒自己「幫助」觸犯挑戰是教練的精髓。

7. Consider what Maslow wrote about how “untutored people” respond when people (clients) are exploring the existential questions about life. Then decide to not be an untutored person!

考慮馬斯洛曾經寫有關于當人們（客戶）在探索生命的存在問題時，「沒有被訓練的人們」是如何響應。然後决定不要成爲沒有被訓練的人！

“The questions that people ask in search for identity, real self, etc. are very largely ‘ought’ question.  What ought I to do?  What ought I to be?  How should I solve this conflict situation?  Should I pursue this career or that one?  Should I get divorced or not?  Should I live or die?”

“Most untutored people are quite willing to answer these questions directly.  ‘If I were you …’  They say, and then proceed with suggestions and advice.  But technically trained people have learned that this doesn’t work or is even harmful.  We don’t say what we think another ought to do.” (p. 106)

「人們問有關于尋找身份，真的自我等的問題大多數是「應當」的問題。我應當做甚麽？我應當成爲甚麽？我應該如何解决這種衝突狀况？我應該選這個職業或那個職業？我應該離婚嗎？我應該活著還是死？」

「許多沒有被訓練的人們都還蠻願意直接回答這些問題。他們會說：如果我是你。。然後提出建議。但有受過訓練的人們學過此方式是不管用的，甚至有害的。

我們不能說我們認爲別人應當做甚麽。」（第 106 頁）

The bottom line?  Stop “helping” your clients and focus on facilitating them in such a way that they learn how to “help” themselves through their own self-awareness and ownership of responsibility.

最底綫？停止「幫助」客戶，專注優化他們使他們透過自我覺察和責任的自主權學習如何「幫助」自己。

翻譯：方秀紅
注：如翻譯有誤解原意，純屬于翻譯者對內容的誤解。內容還是以原文爲准。